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By Corinne Sullivan Aug.
By Corinne Sullivan Aug.
In college, three different men — when asked whether or not we were exclusive — told me that they've just gotten out of serious relationships and weren't looking to commit to anything at the moment. One guy even answered the question of, wanting someone to chat with we officially dating? I reached out to Stef Safranmatchmaking and dating expert, and Anita Chlipaladating and relationships expert, to find out how to best initiate a conversation about being exclusive with someone you're dating.
Explain Your Boundaries Unhappy lesbian couple sitting on sofa in living room Shutterstock Some people interpret the relationship conversation as a trap. When you're asked to be exclusive, you're essentially being asked to limit your opportunities and commit yourself exclusively to one person, which can sometimes seem scary in concept — especially if the person being asked has any doubts about how they feel.
The best way to approach the conversation is to explain your own reasons for wanting an exclusive relationship. That way, the focus is not on what the other person is being denied by committing. It can be a matter of STDs or discomfort or jealousy, and any reason you have is perfectly valid.
Witth doesn't even have to be about sex — if you want to date someone exclusively, you should talk to your partner about your reasoning and your needs. Communicate In A Non-Defensive Way You want to be careful to avoid making accusations when having this conversation as well. Focus on using the word "I" rather than "you" so that it's clear you're not trying to control either the person or the convo.
For example, rather than saying, "You shouldn't be dating other people," you can instead say, " I prefer the idea of dating someone exclusively rather than being with someone who sees other people. So if you were thinking about bringing up the relationship talk while the two of you are out at a bar or mid-coitus, I somepne recommend it. Create Your Own Timeline Interracial couple arguing in cafe. Positive Caucasian guy making peace with her anger black girlfriend.
Quarrel concept Shutterstock There's a big different between a timeline and a deadline. A deadline is usually something that's imposed on someone else, and if you tell someone, "You need to give me an answer by Wednesday or we're done," that person probably isn't going to be sokeone eager to DTR.
A timeline, however, is something you can give to yourself but share with the person you're dating. You tk say, "If I spend three months dating someone, then I like the relationship to be exclusive by that point.
If that's the case, you should find out sooner rather than later. Choose The Right Time To Have The Conversation Just as you shouldn't bring up dating exclusively when you two are drinking or fornicating, you should consider what else is wantinb on in both your life and the other person's life before you initiate.
For example, finals week is not ideal. Either of your birthdays is not great.
Valentine's Day? Forget it.
Even if nothing major is going on in your life at the moment, be considerate of the other person's schedule as well. If they have a big paper to finish, a stressful presentation to give, or even just a really bad cold, wait until things have someonne down.
They'll be much more receptive to the conversation if they aren't already feeling overwhelmed. Though it may not be something you're interested in, you might also consider suggesting to the other yo that you spend a few months dating other people. The other person may just like the idea of dating other people rather than actually doing it, and by having that freedom, they may find that they don't actually want it.
It also might be the case that the person you're dating is simply never going to commit. The most important too is knowing what you want, and if you're dating a person who refuses to commit, don't feel obligated to compromise just to stay with them.
You are deserving of the type of relationship you desire. If someone doesn't want the same thing, then you need to remind yourself that compromising your needs isn't your only option. More like this.
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